Thursday, November 29, 2012

Northern Virginia, Secede From Virginia Already

You know that saying about how you’re the only one allowed to call your siblings asshats, but if anyone else tries it, you’re coming for their head? This is kind of like that.

I went to the corner store down the street from my house, and walked into someone’s self-important tirade about how Virginia is disgusting and how this person wishes that they never had to leave the “intellectual mecca” that is *~NoVa~* again. Now, I’m not one to run around and yell about how the South will rise again, nor am I the biggest fan of good ole Virginia, but shit if I wasn’t pissed at this person’s sentiment.

Northern Virginia is probably one of the most stuck-up, bourgeois areas I’ve ever been to in the states. Granted, a lot of parts of D.C. reflect the kind of self-importance seen in NoVa, but…I mean…it’s a metropolis, so I expect it. NoVa is this insufferable suburban tangle of clogged highways, mega-super-ultra retail commercial centers where everything is over priced, white collar douchebags and housewives with entirely too much money and time on their hands. Meanwhile, the huge immigrant populations in the area serve as a majority of the working poor. It’s this little insular cosmos that plays out every fallacy of the “Melting Pot” in one spot. All the rich folks go around in a constant state of self-congratulatory competition, bitching about everything and nothing at the same time.

Norfolk might not be much, but I consider all, otherwise unfortunate, residents of NoVa to be lucky to leave their bubble of self-importance and enter into a firmly working-class world where no one gives a shit what pompus neighborhood you hail from, what fancy shitbag party you’re wasting your time at, or how many pairs of shoes you bought yesterday.

When Obama was first elected, I saw a lot of NoVa folks talk about seceding from Virginia because the rest of Virginia was too conservative. I believe the t-shirt slogan was “Not The Real Virginia and Proud”. Though Virginia maybe pretty conservative, it’s funny how many people want to leave their bubble of privileged propriety and play redneck for a day, only to back talk the rest of us when they’re tired of it.

Let me tell you something, the country is not to be used as a backdrop to your fetishization of rural southern life. Stay up there, we don’t need your judgement out here.

Just secede already and become NoVa: The Republic of Bougie Douchebags.


  1. wang-time reblogged this from provocatoria and added:
    Man did I TRY to find something I could disagree with in her post.. >:. Nothing. She’s right, almost every single person...
  2. provocatoria reblogged this from bedangeroustogether and added:
    ^^Yes please.
  3. southernish said: NoVA is the worst.
  4. peaceshine3 reblogged this from plantaplanta
  5. spacew0man reblogged this from provocatoria
  6. plantaplanta reblogged this from provocatoria and added:
    Nova is REALLY yuppie-town USA